I’ve been listening to Esther Perel. Today's woman in counseling is a woman who has been married four times, and when she left each husband, it was on the heels of an affair she had. Having an affair made her feel strong enough to leave. When she was having an affair, she felt like a woman instead of a mother or child. She romanticized each of her husbands, thinking that they would save her and love her. When they let her down, she pulled away over a period of two years and then detached. This made me think of my marriage because I feel like I knew I wanted to leave, and then I pulled away over the space of a year. Aaron told me the relationship wasn't working for him, and then, over the next year, I got my act together and positioned myself to leave. I was never sure I would leave, but I was ready to pull the trigger when I wanted to. I think I should have gone to counseling and learned what my needs were and how to express them, and perhaps our relationship would have healed and renewed. I don't want to make the same mistakes again with Eric. I know that every relationship has difficulties. Maybe if you look to your partner to provide too much for you, you will eventually resent them because they are not providing what you want from them. Those are my thoughts of the day!

Today I met the new English teacher and tried to help him out. I hope he starts soon! I am looking forward to focusing entirely on 8th grade. It will be nice to have 200 students instead of 400.

Eric is coming to visit tomorrow, which I am looking forward to. I have made some chicken chili for us to eat, and the house is just about presentable. On Saturday, I am having brunch with Becky, Amanda, Judy, and Stacia H. It makes me feel kind of nervous leaving Eric back at the house. I wonder how he will react to my absence. I wonder how I will react to his presence. Will I completely lose my sense of who I am like last time? I need to remember who I am and what I want and what I need, and be bold in asking for it, seizing it, etc. I want to set the tone, not be subservient to the tone that he sets.